What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 02:44
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why won't my mom let me come home if I'm homeless?
But it wasn’t much.
What did i know ?
But, we were locked up after school.
How do I rat my boss out for serial cheating on his wife?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
What are some difficulties in a JEE aspirant's life?
Why did i forgive my father ?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
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She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
What was your embarrassing moment in front of your father-in-law as an Indian daughter-in-law?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Why are Boomers so vehemently opposed to student loan forgiveness?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
What are the most extreme examples of hypocrisy?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I think the readers, may guess!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
What have you learned from your parents' mistakes?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Is having white skin really that attractive?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My family never makes their pension either.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was seconnd youngest,
I never cut or harmed myself..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
So, i spoilt her more .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I write beautiful poetry .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She loved him until the end.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Comes on , in middle age.
My life is so biszare .
It was going to be , some day.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Especially a lifetime of it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We all went to grammer schools
One cannot live in the past .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But ive been too sick for many years..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Ive learnt so much.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
This is soul school!.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
All the time i was locked up.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
So whats the point in blame.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
When she asked me how she looked .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She found it foreign!.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Was to survive, this bastard.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was scared of men, in general
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She was in good health!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We were not on the streets..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I will be 64.
I have no regrets .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Put me off passion for life!!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I don,t even have a pension.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was 9 years of age.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I couldn’t, believe it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And i lived it daily.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I said to her
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He knew the spot.
Im still living with it.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was very sick at this time too.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I waited trembling.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Who then, do I blame.?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She wouldn,t have been !
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She married twice! .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Would this be the day?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!